Who doesn't like a mini?

I'm writing this on my new HP Mini--or as what everyone else refers to as a netbook. So cool. JP got it for me through Verizon for like $50 because we had an upgrade and a rebate. You can get them at Best Buy or even direct from HP. Already loaded with programs and has Skype built in. Again, so cool. Battery life is 9 hrs but you can get an extended battery which lasts 18. Internet access; Wifi anywhere--woohoo!

So, on to other important matters. Lukas fell asleep as we were just getting ready to leave for sushi. I understand that he's only 3&1/2 and getting out of the napping phase and all--but come on...how is it that he can be so cute and angelic and sweet--he tells me he loves me at least every 10 minutes (insert aw! here)--one minute and then be passed out the next? It is rather inconvenient (wink wink). Anya of course takes it personally. She came up all dressed and ready to go--saw he was asleep and wilted like a flower...."I'll go change" she muttered as she resolutely walked back downstairs to her room. Poor baby. It is all about her, isn't it?

I told JP to go ahead and take her, but no, he said he'd stay home with me (sweet man, that one). We could all go tomorrow. Now she's even more mad because the potential was there to get out of the house tonight--because it's so awful to be here. Whatev. I swear 10 is the new 13.

Thanks goodness 45 (45!) is the new 35 or I'd never have the energy for all this.

Dude.

When did sitting in traffic become "ME TIME?"

It occurred to me as I was picking the car up from the Mazda dealership for its regular service and then driving it home from Irvine on the freeway, that sitting in traffic and rockin out to my music was actually kind of, you know, my "me time." That phrase sounds so overused and psychobabble-ish, but it does help get the point across. Being a busy mom of two strong-willed yet loving and adorable kids doesn't leave me much time for, well, me. So I decided to figure out how much time I really get to myself during an average week and it's pretty pathetic--though I realize it's completely my choice and 99% of the time I wouldn't have it any other way. However, once in a while, peace and quiet are a must, no? (I'm talking about time spent other than watching Nurse Jackie or Weeds on Showtime after the kids fall asleep, or reading a book for 10 minutes before I pass out before bed.) You know, real relaxi-taxi time.



So this is what I figured out I get as ME TIME right now: the one hour a week I go and get my hair blown out on Wednesdays. Waiting in the waiting room at the orthodontist office for Anya and hoping he's running late--that would used to bother me, but now--noooo...more ME TIME. Waiting in line at the bank, no problem. Long line at the occasional fast food drive-thru? I just crank the tunes...yea baby! Now this is all assuming I am by myself--if Lukas is w/ me, he just wants his DVD on--thus negating the concept of ME TIME completely. (Though I have to say, I am working on the classic 70s rock education of both my children and Lukas is turning out to be quite the rocker--so occasional tunes are allowable.) Though he's really into Linkin Park right now...not sure what that's about.

And that's about it.

So, here's my point. When did I go from the frustrated at traffic, mad that I had to wait in lines, tapping my foot at the bank, dreading the wait at the doctor's office, hurry up hurry up hurry up person to...hey baby it's cool, chillax to the max laid back cool mom chick? Is it because I'm a mom now? Is it because I'm not working anymore so my schedule is freer? No, I don't think it's either of those things--I know plenty of moms who race around like crazy and practically run me over in the parking lot at school in their hurry to go go go. Here's what I think it is (or as Tori Amos says, my RDT--think about it--come on, you'll figure it out): I am more at peace. Now make no mistake--I still get pissy, I still get mad, I still flip off idiot BMW drivers...I didn't say I was perfect. I just think I've realized that the hurry up and get nowhere except frustrated lifestyle that most people tend to lead is just not for me anymore.

So how does that relate to enjoying traffic? Does that make me sick and warped? No, I think it just makes me appreciate the little tiny slice of alone time that I have. And the wonderful family I get to come home to.

Preschool wisdom

Here in his own words are the definitions of some words or terms, straight from the boy wonder himself, after his first two days of school:

Recess: oh that means HURRY UP!

Girls: Yucky.

Your teacher: nice, but a little bossy.

Naptime: nope, not gonna happen!

Pick up time: Mama time!!

Lunchtime: (rubs his tummy) Yum, scrum!

Kisses: dis-GUS-ting! No smooching!!

My personal favorite is the definition of recess but that’s just me. His first day, Tuesday, was awesome--he walked right in and didn’t look back. However, for the record, he was a forlorn little pumpkin on Thursday when I came to pick him up--sitting all by himself on a bench in the play area, just waiting and waiting for his mama…so sad :( . He ran straight to me and hugged me with all his might “Mama I miss you…where WERE you!!!”

OMG, heart melting, precious little love. He is just the sweetest boy. I just ate up his cheekies for a few minutes and hugged and hugged him and oh my, woe was he….such a little sad sack. However, his teacher (who BTW is a doll and I liken her job as a preschool teacher as akin to herding cats) said he had a happy day and made lots of friends --even “yucky” girls--and played happily and had ice cream and really didn’t wind down and start asking for me until just before I got there…

He’s clearly not crazy about naptime--it’s for one hour from 12-1PM & he‘s simply outgrowing naps unless he‘s super tired or hasn‘t slept well the night before--but he will have to get used to it because come fall they have a one-hour “rest” period so this is grooming him for that. At least in the fall there will be other kids that don’t nap either and they put them in a different room and let them watch a movie quietly or they read to them. But for now he has to just lay quietly for an hour…torture for an almost 4-yr-old little boy. Sigh, rules are rules--get used to it kid (He did sneak a Lego toy into his Transformer backpack and pleaded with the teacher to play with it quietly at naptime, but she said no. With those eyes. I could never have that job. It would be chaos.) But he did lay down on Thursday--of course they promised him ice cream afterwards--chocolate I believe--and he will do anything for chocolate ice cream! Hey, whatever works.

All in all, I think preschool is a hit. He was so excited to go the first day, he woke up at 6:30, got his clothes all ready, even ate breakfast (which he usually fights me on) and was ready to go at 7AM. School didn’t actually start until 8:30 but that didn’t matter to Lukey--he was ready to go!
So Anya and I have coached him all weekend on the same mantra we taught her: “Mama always comes back. Mama always come back.” Of course, he argued that he will still feel sad…and of course, I said that’s okay, it’s good to feel sad actually; that just means that we just love each other sooo much. Just keep playing, baby. Don’t sit and wait for me!

Now if only he would figure out that girls aren’t really yucky--well, on second thought, that’s actually a good thing, right? As long as there’s no smooching, it’s all good.

(P.S. As I’ve probably mentioned before, my kids and I love the Disney show “Phineas and Ferb." So Lukas says to me the other day “Why does Sevilla have stitches?” Hmmm…what? “Why does Sevilla have stitches?” Ummm…he means business here. Okay, which episode? “Well, all of them.” Not helping. “You know, mama, on her uniform.” Oh!
You mean, why does ISABELLA have PATCHES on her Fireside Girls sash?)

Ah-ha! I do speak 3-yr old.

See, I CAN do it all…)

An "apple" a day...

If you're like most of us on the planet, you have read the TWILIGHT series, right? So, now that the movie has come out On Demand, DVD, and iTunes, I have been watching it repeatedly on a continuous loop--over and over (der, Rachel, that IS what continuous means--I know--but I'm using it for effect to show just how pathetic it's gotten), ad nauseum. It really is ridiculous. I don't consider myself a "Twilighter"--I don't wear porcelain foundation, lipstick called "Bitten" or collectible jewelry from the movie. I didn't see the movie the day (or even week) it came out (I did see it twice though); I didn't even read the books until this past year when I finally decided to see what all the fuss was about. To be honest, I thought the movie was a little hokey and slow in parts; the music did rock, however (I went out immediately after seeing the movie and bought the soundtrack and have listened to it nonstop since). I do think the actors did a good job; I actually feel a little bad for Kristen Stewart though--Robert Pattinson is a little prettier than her with his lipstick on and his lashes are longer.

So what IS it that has me so hooked? Every book I read (and I read A LOT) doesn't seem to compare, though to be honest the writing was relatively simple and even goofy in some parts ("You're my own personal brand of heroin?" Ugh.). I keep looking for something to grab me and hold me like those books did, though--what was it they GOT us? The love story, sure. Together, apart, together, apart. The whole Romeo and Juliet type deal. Basic romance novel stuff. Right? Uh, no. And we all know why. (Hint: vampires living with regular peeps.Vamp loves girl, girl loves vamp. Very complicated.) I for one don't read romance novels (sniff-nose up in the air). I suffer through my literary fiction; I slog through it and I like it (sniff). Well, most of it anyway--so it's been fun to hear about all the critics and stiff upper crusters who stepped beneath themselves and loved the TWILIGHT series too. Bottom line: it was simply a great, great story that appealed to all ages. Heck, my dad even read the books and he hardly ever reads anything. Ever.

So now what? Where do we go from here? We've read all the books...we know what happens next, right? We even know how the whole series ends...yet we are all inexplicably waiting at the edge of our seats for NEW MOON to come out in November--so what do we do to invoke that same cold, hazy, gloomy yet (dare I say the word) romantic feeling until then? We do the only thing we can-- that's right...we watch THE TWILIGHT MOVIE!!

WHAT WOULD RACHEL DO?

My friend Ashle is always telling me that I have the solution to a multitude of problems she didn't know she had--solutions that were life-changing--ahem. And I needed to share these with the world. I'm sure you all have your solutions to add, so I will keep this box as a permanent fixture and will continue to add solutions that fit my strict criteria (yea, right). So here goes:
1) When putting in eye drops, breathe in. No more drippy drippy! No drops will drip down your face (which totally sucks).

2) Always have a safety pin in your purse. Trust me--it WILL come in handy at some point. (Ask my niece Sarah why this was useful--ha ha!)

3) Keep a small tube of Aquaphor in your purse and one in your car--this is great as a lip balm, hand cream, hair gel (just a tiny tiny bit), rashes, owies, and for tushies of all ages.

4) When dining with small children (6 and under) bring your own toys to keep them busy. If over age 3, Legos are ideal for boys. Crayons and paper usually last a nanosecond. Wikki Stix are also fun and reusable. No one wants to listen to my screaming bored children at dinner--especially me.

5) Carry a feed bag in your car: full of healthy and not so healthy snacks and water. You never know when you will get stuck somewhere with grumpy hungry children/husband/self or god forbid, in traffic! Horrors!! Or even a major catastrophe--fat and sugar will be necessary to sustain yourself and others for a few days.

6) From my sister Caren: If you buy a raffle ticket, scrunch it up a bit. She almost ALWAYS wins, so this method is tried and true.

7) From my mom: cook scrambled eggs on LO heat and stir stir stir! They won't get burned this way or overcooked; cook til done. For God's sake, who eats undercooked eggs, people! Add salt AFTER-use kosher salt--super tasty.

8) Most importantly, if you find a good mascara, buy 3! One for your make-up bag, one for your purse, and one for your car. A girl should NEVER be without her mascara. (The same concept applies to lipstick--goes without saying. Though I did just say it, actually.) Check out blog entry "Adventures in Eyelashes" for all kinds of specifics if you want TDF lashes!!!

Do any of these seem helpful to you? What are your "life-changing" solutions? Share, please!!

Gosh golly darn gee--I didn't know I was pregnant!

No not me family, so calm down. I was channel flipping the other night after the kids fell asleep and JP was working and nothing good was DVRd and I was trying to escape Michael Jackson TV on EVERY SINGLE CHANNEL so I ended up on TLC or something and I swear to God this woman (let's call her DF--you figure it out) was talking about how she went into labor and had a baby and she didn't even know she was pregnant! And she didn't even seem to mind being taped about what a moron she was that she thought she was dying of an "attack of cancer or something." OMG. Okay so this is her story:

She missed her period--twice. She actually took pregnancy tests--twice. She talked it over with her fiance and they both decided that it must just be stress. She didn't want to spend any money on a doctor visit since she was uninsured and they were saving every penney for their upcoming wedding. She didn't have ANY symptoms the whole nine months, save a little "gas." She actually lost 15 pounds since she was dieting to look good in her bathing suit for the honeymoon. Her parents and fiance were proud of her weight loss, though no one could understand why her belly fat wasn't going away. Her grandmother had died recently of "some kind of female cancer" so when she started having a painful attack "down there" nine months after the negative pregnancy tests, she thought she was dying--just like her grandmother since you know, cancers run in families, right?

When she got to the hospital, the nurse immediately recognized that DF was in labor and was fully dilated. When informed of this, DF cried out that no, she was actually dying of said cancer. Even when they hooked her up to the monitor and showed her the ultrasound, she insisted it was just a tumor. (Well, look at it this way. If you want to think of a kid as a tumor, as it IS a growth, feel free girlfriend. Knock yourself out. Ha ha--just kidding my darling children!) No doctors were apparently available quickly enough, so nursey delivered said child to DF with no pain meds--at this point I can empathize fully with her as to why she thought she was actually dying--and out comes a slimy, still baby. Scary moment, cue tense music. "OMG, is my baby okay?" DF cries...

And at that point I turned it off. I know, I suck. I just really didn't care. I'm sure baby is fine and healthy. I'm sure TLC was just trying to educate people on how not to be sooo fucking stupid and if there's even an inkling you might be knocked up, get thee to a doctor--at home tests are clearly not perfect. Got it. But what's clearly most disturbing is that there are women out there that are just that clueless--we've all heard stories like this. She's not the first story I've heard like this, she won't be the last. She was college-educated even! But as JP always tells me--smart man--just because people are book smart doesn't mean they have ANY common sense. Just look at how people drive around here! No common sense!

So I guess that's what it all comes down to. If people used their brains instead of sitting on them, we'd all be a lot better off. CS people, CS.

Was Michael Jackson Voldemort?

Ok, I meet JP at Starbucks (his office) with the kids this morning.

JP: So I put your name in for the lottery to win tickets to the Micheal Jackson Memorial Service this Tuesday at the Staples Center.

Me: Actually, I looked at him in totally silence with my jaw dropped open, as in "Are you fucking kidding me, you moron? (Not that I would actually call him that since we have a rule that we don't call each other names. But...I can THINK it.) You know EXACTLY how I feel about the uh, man, uh, thing? that was Michael Jackson, so...are you fucking kidding me?" But since I had the kids with me and other people were around me and couldn't say those things, I just gave him The Look--you know, the we've been married 17 years are you fucking kidding me? look.

JP: Yes, I'm totally serious. Brett (his brother who lives in L.A. and writes screenplays, etc.) wants to go.

Me: And this has to do with me, how?

JP: Well, he thought you'd be all over this! So if all of us sign up, maybe one of us is bound to get tickets and then he can go.

Me: Wait wait wait. So, let me get this straight. You compromised my principles so Brett can go to this clusterfuck spectacle? All of my history goes out the window?

JP: Oh come on. He says all the stars will be there. It's bigger than the Oscars. It's bigger than when Elvis died.

Me: Exactly. Everyone is comprising their principles for this whole weirdo sicko mess. Don't include me.

JP: Too late.

Me: Sorry, I'm just not that shallow. The whole thing sickens me. I'm on my high horse and I'm not coming down anytime soon. Even if I GET the tickets, I'm not giving them to Brett. So there. Ha. (Call me Brett, we'll talk.)

JP: Feel better?

Me: Kinda, not really, yes. It really has nothing to do with me. That's what it comes down to. He was one man, who accomplished great and terrible things--like Voldemort. But without the wand. (Insert glove joke here.)

Was I a little hard on Michael Jackson? Maybe, maybe not...

Yea, yea, yea, nothing was PROVEN IN A COURT OF LAW blah blah blah...I don't buy it. Who pays $20 Million to one family just to get them to shut the fuck up about what, that he was a nice guy who bought them dinner once? I don't think so. This is my blog and I can say what I want. And I don't care that he was a child star and never had a proper childhood and didn't get a chance to grow up normally--boo hoo. I agree he wasn't NORMAL--but he should have known right from wrong. I'm just sayin.

Okay, movin on.

My secret source (ok, my brother in law) knows a fella who works for the LA coroner's office who says that Jackson suffered from LUPUS. A-ha! So that's why he was such a wacko, says my mom. It does kind of explain all the masks and umbrellas (and track marks) and weird shit, right? Umm, kinda. Seriously, the man was just a wack-job. And did you see the back page of US Mag this past week, with my fave NJ housewives on the cover? This was BEFORE he even died? They showed him wearing the latest in high-end couture--Balmain, Balenciaga, Lanvin--all WOMEN'S COUTURE. I have no response to that.

He could throw down the dance moves, though, I tell ya. Whoa.

Will he seriously, seriously be missed? Come on folks. He's been out of the country for years...years!! His last album bombed. How much has he contributed LATELY??? Give me a br---eak. CNN has become the Michael Jackson channel. Shame on them.

Okay, I'm done.

Meanwhile, here's the latest Madonna ad for Louis Vuitton and it's smmmokin: http://mobile.wwd.com/s/1504/84;jsessionid=FBBEF1100D1FCCA925C6BF45B1B8E1F3?itemPos=1&fullArticle=true&itemUri=feed%23xcHwg0Vprjz9Pr%2F62da3AvUi9pVnhEb