The Wedding Ring Blues

Okay, so here's the deal (that's what my kid says any time when he wants to explain something to me). I have been married for (counting on my fingers)...let's see, seventeen years. And for the ENTIRE seventeen years, my gorgeous beautiful ring that I love has been bugging the shit out of me. Why? Well, because silly, after I wear it for a few days, it leaves a nasty red ring around my finger. Yes, it's gold. No, I'm not allergic to gold. Yes, I clean it really well. I've steam cleaned it--hell, I've even soaked it for a week in that nasty jewelry cleaning solution once when I forgot about it. Changed my soap, just as my good dermatologist recommended (antibacterial soap--bad). Used all the prescription creams like the compliant patient that I am. Taken the rings off at night and when I wash my hands...blah blah blah!! But that itchy, red ring always comes back like a bad penny, a thorn in my side, a...well, you get the red-ringed picture.


Have I forgotten anything? I'm sure I have...forgive me if I've left something out of this seventeen years of joy.


Anyway, I know I'm not the only one suffering from this particular form of itchiness (formal name: contact dermatitis. Oh, believe me, I know.) Just in my own familial circle alone I've had discussions with my little sis and my cute newly married niece (both have blogs linked on my site that you can check out). So me being me, I decided to do a little research on the Internet and I found hundreds, thousands, millions (sorry, getting carried away here) of women and even a few men with the same problem.


Well, I happened upon one really down home remedy that looks like it might be worth trying. From the blog Huckleberry Prairie Boots and Bonnets (hey, I warned you it was "down home"), this cute cowgirl suggests that you soak your ring in 1/2 cup of white vinegar and 1/4 of hydrogen peroxide for 30-45 minutes, and then "scrub a dub dub" it (she used a toothbrush). Then you boil it. Yep, boil your ring. Gets rid of all them thar icky germies that are gettin' into ar skin right thar. Just kidding. I love this cute site and I am heading out today to buy me some hydrogen peroxide and plain white vinegar.



Don't think my balsamic will work.


Here's the link: http://www.huckleberryprairie.com/bootsbonnets/ring-cleaning-avoid-the-ring-finger-rash



(I will report back and let you know how my ring finger is doing. If any of you peoples try it yourself, PLEASE let me know.)

Review of "Zen Shorts" by Jon J. Muth

Whatever your religious leanings, or lack thereof, children and adults alike will no doubt find delight in the highly rated children's book Zen Shorts by Jon J. Muth, author, illustrator and artist.

The book follows a simple format: three siblings notice with amazement that a giant panda has come to live next door. The eldest, Michael, introduces himself; the girl, Addy, then introduces herself and Karl, the youngest, because he was shy "around bears he didn't know." The sweetness from that sentence alone melted my heart.

Each child in turn spends time alone with Stillwater the panda, and he shares with each of them a story, or fable, filled with wisdom or a new way to look at life and each other. The illustrations for each fable is done in a graphic, almost comic-book like way — sure to grab even a young boy's attention. Very smart.

By far, my favorite story is the final one, "A Heavy Load." An old monk carries an angry woman across some water and she doesn't even thank him as she haughtily leaves. The younger monk, after brooding for awhile, remarks to the older monk how upset he is by her slight. The old monk replied that he had set the woman down hours ago; "why are you still carrying her?" Surely a lesson we all can benefit from.

In these times of economic strife and hardship, I feel this book is so appropriate and sweet, without being heavy-handed or preachy. It gives readers, young and old, an opportunity to discuss people and situations that may be bothering them, and, if nothing else, parents can simply enjoy a beautifully drawn and rendered book.

While Muth wrote the book in 2005, he has written a "sequel" of sorts: Zen Ties, released in 2008 to stellar reviews as well. Again starring Stillwater the Panda, this book introduces a smaller sidekick, Koo (as in "Hi, Koo") and an elderly woman that the same children are afraid of, but whom they ultimately befriend with the help and encouragement of the wise Stillwater.

Muth himself is an interesting guy. He spent most of the nineties as a comic/graphic novel artist, working with writers like the amazingly talented Neil Gaiman on The Sandman: The Wake and illustrating and developing the Moonshadow series; he also worked on Swamp Thing: Roots and M. It was only after having children of his own that he gravitated more towards doing children's books and illustrations.

So if you're looking for a bit of Zen in your own hectic day with your kids, now or anytime of year, or want to give a great book that you know your friends will appreciate for years to come, check out Zen Shorts or Zen Ties. Muth's Zen books are available at http://www.amazon.com/Zen-Shorts-Collectors-Jon-Muth/dp/B002SB8O8Y/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_b for purchase.

I personally plan to give it to a particular family member who could use a lesson in, hmmm, let's just say, gratitude. Yea, I'm going with that.

Why I let my daughter watch "glee"

In case you haven't heard, I LOVE the show "glee" (that's how they spell it--lowercase--so grammar queens, no need to correct me). My ten-year-old daughter loves "glee." Most parents I know are pretty horrified by that fact, but I'm okay with it. Why?

Get ready for the Ss: the singing is spectacular; the writing is sharply satirical, snarky, and spot-on; I love singing coach Will Schuster, a.k.a. Mr. Shu (yummy is how my friend Mindy described him and I wholeheartedly concur); everything about evil cheerleading coach Sue Sylvester--she's sharp and has the best lines by far; but most of all the the storylines, while somewhat soap-operaish and containing stereotypical characters, are stupendous. Oh, and there's lots of sex (well, mostly it's just discussed). Phew! Here's what I mean.

Quinn, the beautiful, blond, rich girl and president of the Chastity Club and former head cheerleader of the Cheerios (I know, cute, right?) is pregnant with Puck's (handsome Jewish football/glee club member) child. However, she told her doofus dumb jock boyfriend Finn that it's HIS child after they kissed and he um, you know, squirted (sorry!) in a hot tub and he believed her and is a good enough guy to man up (see, she thinks Puck's a loser and a townie and thinks Finn's a better choice for her future), even though Finn and Puck are BEST friends and Finn doesn't know Puck is the father--yet. I know.

See, this is where I'm so glad I can have an open honest conversation with my kid about sex. Because there's so much misinformation out there about what goes where, and who does what, and she's starting to have questions...so this show is offering a plethora of, shall we say, "conversation starters." But it's not just about sex. There's also how to treat others, how to work as part of a team, backstabbing, friendship, honesty, crushes, teacher-student relationships, and of course, there's OMG the singing, wow...that's why it's a great show.

I can see that there would be help for lots of parents and "conversation starters" with this show...there's the snotty cheerleader (oh wait, that's actually real), the gay kid with the unbelievable voice and great clothes who's just coming out (and the sweet relationship with his blue collar dad), the heavy girl with the AMAZING voice, the girl that stutters (or not), lots of minorities, the talented drama queen outcast with two gay dads (kind of a reach--but maybe not in this new rainbow environment we currently find ourselves), the handicapped kid...it goes on. Did you know that almost all of the cast came from Broadway? Major talent here, folks. If you're not watching, you. Are. Missing. Out.

In the last show, Quinn's W.A.S.P. parents found out, between swigs of scotch and watching Glenn Beck (OMFG I died) that she was pregnant when Finn, on gay kid Kurt's advice, broke out into his rendition of Paul Anka's "Having my Baby" which, as you can imagine, did not go over well. Finn's single mom had just discovered that Quinn was pregnant when she noticed her son singing "I'll Stand by You" to the sonogram on his computer; so when Quinn's Glenn Beck-loving repressed parents kicked out their no-longer-going-to-the-Chastity-Ball-daughter, Finn's mom took her in without hesitation. Cool chick. My point?

Well, not that I'd want my daughter to be pregnant at seventeen by any means; but I do want her to know that I love her enough not to kick her out on her ass because she's no longer cookie-cutter perfect--not that I'm that perfection-expecting mom in the first place. I also hope that by discussing issues now, she will be informed and not think that she can get pregnant just by, you know, hanging out in a hot tub with a dude. You get what I'm sayin.

Sure, it's clearly a satirical, liberal show, but where else are you going to see a bunch of football players dancing to Beyonce's "Single Ladies (Put a Ring on it)?

If I've offended your right-leaning, conservative "abstinence works" sensibilities with this post, feel free to switch over to msnbc or fox news. I'm sure you'll find enough Glenn or Bill or Sean to wipe the thought of talking to your kids about sex right out of your close-minded little head.

Yea, right.

Yes, dear, you're right. Women writers ARE lame.

In case you missed it, Publisher's Weekly came out with their annual Top 100 list this past week. Considered the most respected weekly book journal in the industry, writers and buyers look to PW to make or break careers, determine buying trends, and as is the case here, make recommendations to the media and general buying public. The timing of the list certainly isn't accidental, being that they put it out right before Thanksgiving, a.k.a. the beginning of holiday shopping season.

So...why am I writing about this? Here's why, and hold on to your ears, because I may blow them back.

The geniuses on the review committee decided this year to "up the ante with a Top 10 list." Great, wonderful. However, all ten books on this best of the best are written by men. Yep, men. (Now don't get me wrong. I love men. I'm married to one, in fact, and I think he's the bees knees. This is not a man-bash post so dudes, hang out, k?) In fact, with the exception of one black writer, all the books in the top ten are written by white men. Are we seeing a bit of a trend here? Well, let's continue.

In the Top 100, only thirty books that they chose are written by women. Yep, that makes it (counting on my fingers) only 30 percent written by women, so that's 70 percent by men, with women relegated to the typical cookbooks (though it is the fabulous Ruth Reichl) and childcare sections. I do see many female-authored books throughout the list in various sections and for that I'm grateful. To be fair, I also see many favorite male authors listed and I am happy about that too. There are many male writers I read and love, that's not my point. Bear with me.

See the entire list click here: http://tinyurl.com/y9vyhe3.

Hmmm...given that women buy the majority of books (see www.authosadvocate.com) -- over 65 percent, people--although isn't that kind of a no-brainer?--one would think that perhaps they might have taken a bit of a closer look at some of the wonderful books written by women this year and maybe included one, ONE, in their exclusive boys club? They say on their site that they reviewed "over 50,000 volumes and valiantly set out to choose 100." So then how is it possible that Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel, winner of the 2009 Man Booker Prize, is not even on the list? How about Lark and Termite by Jane Anne Phillips--on the list but apparently not good enough for the Top 10, though it has been nominated for a National Book Award, along with American Salvage by Bonnie Jo Campbell (winners will be announced November 18.). Valiant efforts all, but apparently not valiant enough. Puh-leeze.

Personally, I go to NPR or Amazon's award winner's pages for my recommended reading lists. I also love to read Stephen King's recs in Entertainment Weekly a few times a year, as well as TIME's Top 10 which BTW this year included the fabulous Kate Christensen (see her page here at amazon.com. http://www.amazon.com/Kate-Christensen/e/B001IGFHVC/ref=sr_tc_2_0.

For NPR:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=104307838

For Amazon: http://tinyurl.com/yds8gzo

It's not as if I'm blind to the other side of the argument...perhaps books by women and minorities really just weren't good enough to be included in the Top 10 this year. Perhaps white men (and one black man) really are better writers this year, superior at their craft if you will. Perhaps women and minorities really cannot compete in this white male-dominated market and PW is simply perpetuating what the market wants. Given that a woman, yes a woman, was heading up the review committee, it can't be that gender bias was the reason, right? Right?

I think the answer is summed up best by this letter from the feedback section of the PW site. David, you represent yourself so well. I'm sure the women in your life are so proud...


David Allen Black 11/6/2009 1:32:29 PM PT
Location:
Hartford, CT
Occupation:Writer

"I can't believe the lame feminists are upset that all of these authors happen to be male. What, you have to make sure that "all genders" are represented? That's Kindergarten logic. Actually it's worse, and scary that adults today with minds poisoned by feminism and other lame passe ideologies are wasting their mindcycles on it. Thanks, PW, for having the courage to stand up to bullies who have to have it their way or no way."

(Mindcycles? Dude. Seriously.)

I couldn't agree with you more, kind sir. I, for one, am glad that we still have a white man in the top office of this country--oops, I was stuck back in one of those lame passe ideologies you were talking about. My bad. However, lame describes well the situation perfectly as well as well as the people involved in the whole review process, and you are simply representational of the whole system which produced this list in the place.

Let's go with that.

Thingamajiggers and whatnots

My poor little guy. He just doesn't understand why his mama is just not as um, technically or technologically capable as daddy is. So when he brings me his "Lego Crazy Action Contraptions" (yea, you read that right) that "includes every brick, gear, & axle you need" (wow, I just can't tell you how excited that makes me, I really can't) and asks me to put this piece of terrorist manifesto together; well, babycakes, it's just all downhill from here.

"Keep trying, honey" he implores me as I struggle to put the whatchamajigger in the holey thingy. Nope, that's not right, cuz then the other thing won't fit on top. Ah, I see. There's method to this madness of the ten-thousand parts. Okay then.

"Hmmm, well, since you can't build that one, MOM, I'm going to give you something easier. See if you can do this one. Number twenty-three" my little dictator informs me in a very authoritative voice. Let me see...a launching pad. Sure, kid, no problem (yea, right). It's only...twelve pieces. I can do that.

Fifteen minutes later.

Success!

Alas, it's short-lived. "Mama, this is boring. Build something else."

Ah, the life of a contraption maker. Guess you're only as good as your last, um, thingamajigger.

The Idiocy Wars continue a.k.a. how stupid is my health plan?

So, I talked further with Lydia in billing today at Dr. Martinez' office. She is a doll. Find out that Blue Cross sent them another check today for $1200 for the February treatment. (This was treatment number two.) Now, this would be yee-ha jump-up-and-down-great IF they hadn't already sent a check for $1200 for the February treatment....I know.

Geniuses.

So she puts me on hold and calls the pillars of Mensa and yea, it's a duplicate check--have to return it. Oopsey, just a little clerical error. No, it can't be applied to the November of '08 treatment or the May of '09 treatment because--you guessed it--those treatments are considered experimental (even though, if you recall, Botox is FDA-approved for my condition, cervical dystonia) and haven't been approved yet. Yes, they know the February treatment was EXACTLY THE SAME as the other two treatments and the claims forms submitted are EXACTLY THE SAME also. Still. Ya know.

Now, please don't think I'm sitting by idly watching the idiocy go by. Nooooo. Both of my Carens/Karens have informed me about the Department of Managed HealthCare (DMHC) for the state of CA (http://www.hmohelp.ca.gov/). I guess I'm not the only one in this boat, given the fact that we have a whole department dealing with this shit. Poor California. Couldn't balance our budget, had to raise sales taxes (wow, did you know it went up a whole penny OMG), and now we actually have a whole department of very nice people whose job it is to stick it to these cash-hogging health"care" (really, care? they don't care about me) companies.

Now those are my tax dollars at work that I am happy to champion.

I've also submitted by previous blog on my Facebook page and on www.twittermoms.com and have had many women comment there as well. People are really fed up. And yes, I did send my link to Michael Moore on his Twitter page--no response yet, but I'll keep ya posted.

And the Idiocy Wars continue....stay tuned.

(If you have any ridiculous stories you'd like to post back to me, please reply here, or send them to my email: rachelintheOC@gmail.com. You can also follow me on twitter at rachelintheOC.

Read my LA Hot Mom articles on the Examiner online at http://www.examiner.com/x-25519-LA-Hot-Moms-Examiner.)

BOOK REVIEW of HER FEARFUL SYMMETRY by Audrey Niffenegger

As many of you know, I am a huge HUGE fan of Niffenegger's first novel, THE TIME-TRAVELER'S WIFE. It was recently made into a Hollywood movie which I thought sucked. But that's another blog.

I am happy to report that I loved her new book, HER FEARFUL SYMMETRY. The title of the book is derived from a poem written in 1794 by William Blake, “The Tyger." Just in case you were wondering. I was.

So here's a description of the novel and then I'll give you my take.

"The novel opens with a letter that alters the fate of every character. Julia and Valentina Poole are semi-normal American twenty-year-olds with seemingly little interest in college or finding jobs. Their attachment to one another is intense. One morning the mailman delivers a thick envelope to their house in the suburbs of Chicago. From a London solicitor, the enclosed letter informs them that their English aunt Elspeth Noblin, whom they never knew, has died of cancer and left them her London apartment. There are two conditions to this inheritance: that they live in it for a year before they sell it and that their parents not enter it. Julia and Valentina are twins. So were the estranged Elspeth and Edie, their mother.

The girls move to Elspeth's flat, , which borders the vast and ornate Highgate Cemetery, where George Eliot, Karl Marx, and many other famous people are buried. The girls come to know the living residents of their building. Martin, a brilliant and charming crossword-puzzle setter suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder; Marijke, Martin's devoted but trapped wife; and Robert, Elspeth's elusive love, a scholar of the cemetery. As the girls become embroiled in the fraying lives of their aunt's neighbors, they also discover that much is still alive in Highgate, including--perhaps--their aunt."

So, like I said, I thoroughly enjoyed this book. I think Niffenegger is a genius at blending the believable with the surreal in a literary way. Storytelling trickery at its best. What I so enjoyed in THE TIME-TRAVELER'S WIFE was the way she bent time to fit into her story--and made time a part of the story itself, almost like a character. She does the same thing here--death and dying occur but not in a scary way AT ALL--more as a catalyst for the story--and also as the setting, given that Highgate Cemetery is where the novel takes place. You get a sense of the history of the place (being American I had no idea) and if you go online, you can see all kinds of pix and learn more about its vaunted history.

This is book had a romantic element, but not the same long-lost pulling for them at all costs kind of story that she wrote for TTTW. If you are looking for a good, solid romance, you will find shades of it here, and even the occasional pop of hope, but that's about it. Primarily, I see this book as one about obsession--and not just the dude with OCD(Martin, whom I liked very much, BTW). And of course, there's a major twist at the end that I didn't see coming--always cool.

All in all, I savoured this book, hoping it wouldn't end. Mainly because I know it will probably be another five years until she writes another one! Niffenegger is also a visual artist and makes it very clear that churning out novels every year or two is not for her--which, while I respect that, is unfortunate for us.

(FYI--you can purchase this novel at forty percent off at Barnes and Noble if you are a member; thirty percent off for non-members. Amazon has it for fourteen bucks or less used. Go to http://tinyurl.com/y92jegn to purchase from them. Costco probably has an even better deal. Hardcover price is $26.99.)

If you have read it or have your own comments on the book, reply here.

For a great discussion of the book and some Q&A with the author, check out this site: http://www.litlovers.com/guide_her_fearful_symmetry.html

"Lukan" the Barbarian

In the last ONE day alone, my four-year-old precious (as I say that through clenched teeth) son Lukas (but let's called him LUKAN as in CONAN--get it?) has destroyed, in no particular order: my whisk (cuz I DO cook me some mean scrambled eggs); my cool as you please big ole silver hoop earrings that I searched long and hard for (and finally found at Urban Outfitters--cheap!)--and I loved them because they were light as air--and now they are misshapen forks; and my beloved big, round kitchen clock in the perfect java browns with roman numerals. It was waiting to be hung in just the right place in our new home that we just hadn't quite discovered yet--so Lukas decided to twist the hands of the clock into noodles for me--soooo nice of him, wasn't it?

It all seems funny and cute and mischievous as I write this...but in reality it's frustrating and a bit disheartening that he defies me at every step. He knew he had crossed the line with the clock--I'm a clock kind of girl, and he knew I loved that clock. When I found it under the coffee table (go ahead, you can laugh), I didn't yell--I'm not really much of a yeller. I just got very quiet. I told the little guy that I was very disappointed that he would touch the clock without permission; that he would ruin mama's favorite clock made me very sad. He wanted me to tell him it was okay; I wouldn't. He wanted hugs and kisses; as hard as it was, as much as my heart wanted me to hold that pleading, precious (no teeth clenched this time) body close to me, I walked away.

Then, heartbreakingly, Lukas tried his best to fix it. Tongue clenched between teeth, he worked on that mangled clock, until he proclaimed in triumph "Look mama! All better!" which of course, it wasn't. But I relented at his efforts. I gave him that hug, those kisses. Because yes, I realize all those things were just that--things. And he's my boy, my little guy, my flesh and blood, my heart. He's worth all that frustration, the bald spot from tearing my hair out, the middle of the night wake-ups--all worth it, no doubt; he's just lucky he's so damn cute. Even if he wipes my kisses off his soft, chewable cheeks, I don't care. I'm gonna kiss em anyway--even though he hates it, I don't care. It's the least he can do.

He owes me. Big time.