WHATCHA THINKING?

  

There’s a question chicks have wondered since the dawn of time. One I’ve put quite a bit of thought into. Something nineteen years of marriage, multiple relationships, and thousands of discussions with both sexes have still given me little insight into:

Why do men fall asleep right after sex?      

Oh sure, there’s that whole serotonin relaxation effect that occurs after orgasm(s). Science. Chemical reaction. Proven over and over. 

Blah blah blah.

We girls orgasm, too. Do we fall right to sleep? No!

It’s goes something like this:

•        Whatcha Thinkin? One theory is that men go into Avoidance Mode. You know, you’ve had the ahem, coitus. (I just love that word.) She’s basking in the afterglow, ready for the cuddle, the snuggle, the play by play. She goes in for the head on the chest, and the inevitable– wait for it – “Whatcha thinkin’?” whereby at this point, you’re already snoring.

     Most men will do anything to avoid the dreaded “Whatcha thinkin’?” question, mainly for two reasons. One, because they’re incredibly tired now from all that effort and trying to come up with something smooth to say on the spot is really, really hard; and two, um, what was the question again?

Chicks get all gooey in the aftermath of that serotonin, whereas guys conk out. They go from hug to slug in thirty seconds flat.

They were thinkin about sex. Now their mind is a total blank. Come on, ladies. Do you really need to ask a question to know that?

•         Been There, Done That: Another theory is that hey, they’ve already done all the hard work when they first met you. They’ve wooed you. All those late nights spent talking about important stuff (that they don’t really remember now anyway) when you were first dating – been there, done that. They’re invested in you already…now you need them to do that again? More? Why? Is this like some secret Honey Do list? 

They already just had sex with you. What more could you possibly want?

Plus really. If they wanted to talk to you, what did they just have sex with you for? They can talk with you when they eat or ya know, clean out the garage.

See with a guy, activities are very clearly delineated: there’s talking time and there’s sexing time. And the two shall never meet. Because talking has to do with feelings. Ergo, see point number one.

•        The Code: Guys are born with this code that women know nothing about that allows them to separate sex from emotion. (Why the whole, “I’ll call you,” game has been happening since time immemorial.)

Sure, guys are from talk…BEFORE the action starts. Women are from talk AFTER the action happens. (As for dirty talk, Real Sex #2,354, 465 will be on HBO later tonight.) Fortunately, we’re usually able to meet somewhere in the middle and figure out how to make each other mind-blowingly, blow the skirt up happy.

But what about when we’re not? What if he needs to move a little to the right, or she needs to um, change tempo…then talking is essential. Diagrams aren’t really convenient at that moment. Most people don’t have a whiteboard and markers in their bedroom (and if they do, I don’t want to know about it).

Hike!

Sorry, coach but that’s a whole other subject.

Scientists and doctors have very good physical and biochemical explanations for why men fall asleep after sex. Just as they can explain why chicks, don’t.

I’m no sex advisor, folks. But after almost twenty years of marriage, here’s what I’ve learned:

Don’t take it personally.

And buy a Kindle.

As always, comments, retweets and mentions loved. 

You should follow me here, on Twitter,Facebook, and Goodreads. 

Purchase my bestselling, humorous collection of essays, A Walk In The Snark, on Amazon for only $2.99. It's funny, has a good beat. You can dance to it. 


Writing your own book or trying to figure out social media? Check out the bestselling Dollars & Sense: The Definitive Guide to Self-publishing Success, also only $2.99 at Amazon.