#MANCODE MONDAY? IT'S NUTS...

By now you've probably heard all about #MentionMonday over on Twitter or seen my posts float by on Facebook with that number sign thingy (it's called a hashtag in the Twitterverse). It's something we crazy tweeps use for a few reasons I won't bore you with now.


Well now that I'm THIS CLOSE to my next book, The Mancode: Exposed coming out (less than a month), I thought it would be fun to do something completely away from Twitter and start a fun conversation each week over on my MANCODE: EXPOSED Facebook page. Where we have more room to stretch our legs, drink our wine and martinis, and discuss a topic fully.


Now, you know me. This will not be the politics in China. Though it may be the politics of dancing.


So today's topic is something I've often wondered about. Something that has always perplexed me. Something I really, really want to know the answer to:

Why do guys scratch their nuts when they think? What is that? 


Please head over to my FB page by clicking HERE for all the convo! Let's get this Mancode party started...


Lots of cool benefits for my Mancode minions in the next few weeks...if you haven't LIKED my Facebook page yet, now is your perfect opportunity. 


If you haven't read A WALK IN THE SNARK yet, get on it, would ya? (or at least hit then LIKE button *big eyes* )


You don't want to miss out on all the Mancode insiderey stuff. Not that I'd leave you out, of course. The more the merrier, and all that. 


I've got plenty of vodka. Come sit by me.

You should follow me here, on Twitter, Facebook, and Goodreads. 

Purchase my bestselling, humorous collection of essays, A Walk In The Snark, on Amazon for only $2.99. It reached #1 on Kindle Motherhood a few weeks back and then again...and again...five times now! See why.


Writing your own book or trying to figure out social media? Check out the bestselling Dollars & Sense: The Definitive Guide to Self-publishing Success, cowritten by yours truly, also only $2.99 at Amazon. 

ROOMS

ROOMS

Women have rooms inside of us men cannot fathom.

It’s where we store the depths of the hurt they’ve dealt us.

The deep passion we never want to lose.

Where we’ve tucked away all those cutting comments through the years, where we couldn’t react because we had company, where we shoved them down inside, swallowed the reactions and put them in the corner; pushing it all back down when it threatened to rise up; afraid, upset the tentative piece of string might snap and all the hurtful words he sent your way will tumble back out and hit him so hard he won’t comprehend the language you’re speaking is his own.

Women fold our stories inside ourselves.

We unwrap them when nobody is looking.

We carry former lovers, long lost inside our limbs. We feel their caresses, remember exactly how their tongues entwined with ours as our bodies melted, their eyes on ours as they entered us; even our cells remember the exquisite burn.

A woman never forgets, though she learns to love another. We wrap those memories away for safekeeping, even when those lovers hurt us so brutally our hearts tore and our tears never stopped. We have a room for that pain, a special key we hide and lock away.

Women grow, our hearts accommodating all the players in our lives.

She’ll allow some in. Some she must let go.

Women explore our rooms often, sometimes inadvertently. Her heart won’t allow her to ignore her secret places for long. Try as she might to suppress her desires, her unknown thoughts and even her fears will rise to guide her to different places, new rooms she never knew existed within her the whole time.

Embrace. Hold tightly while you dance. Jump.

Our rooms are buried so deeply, many times we don’t listen or can’t hear. We fall, search, drift, let go. We hold our breath, worry what others will think, lose ourselves.

Don’t.

Women have rooms inside us.

Breathe.

Comments welcome, retweets and mentions loved.

You should follow me here, on Twitter, Facebook, and Goodreads. 

Purchase my bestselling, humorous collection of essays, A Walk In The Snark, on Amazon for only $2.99. It reached #1 on Kindle Motherhood a few weeks back and then again...and again...five times now! See why.


Writing your own book or trying to figure out social media? Check out the bestselling Dollars & Sense: The Definitive Guide to Self-publishing Success, cowritten by yours truly, also only $2.99 at Amazon. 

GETTING OFF...TOPIC (guest post)

Guest Maxwell Cynn takes over my blog today -- get ready for an awesome, sexy ride from an amazing author and all around sexy dude. And may I mention, uber supportive guy. 

When Rachel offered me the chance to guest blog I jumped in it. I think she'd enjoyed one too many dirty martinis at the time and I knew I needed to pin her down before she sobered up and changed her mind. Then she told me her main divisions (or did she say diversions) were Dating, Marriage, and Sex. I thought the order was interesting. These days it's more often - Dating, Sex, then Marriage. Or Sex, maybe a date, and forget about marriage. But I digress. I do that a lot. My wife and kids say I ramble.

The choice was a no-brainer. SEX, right?. Come on, I'm a guy. Rachel knew the answer before she gave me the choice, being the Mistress of #mancode that she is. All that men think about is sex, and food, and where the hell is that remote. Bring me a beer, honey! Have you seen my.... Sorry. What were we talking about? Oh yeah, SEX. That beautiful three letter word that holds the universe in balance, tames the savage beast, and prompts men to buy expensive jewelry.

I've been married 26 years. Yes, to the same woman. So I've figured a few things out concerning the fairer sex. Women think about sex as much, if not more than men do. That's right, I said it. You can hide behind #chickspeak, but we know you want it. After all, who buys all those romance novels, literary erotica, and sex toys? Women. And we know you talk about it when we're not around. Some of you do it when we're not around. But I'm getting off topic again.

Sex is the strongest primordial drive of the human psyche, ask Freud. We will starve ourselves to be more attractive - for sex. We will gladly suffer pain and abuse - for sex. Do you really wear those size-too-small spiked heels because they are soo comfy? Women's clothes aren't designed to cover their modesty, they are designed to accentuate your naughty bits. Let's be honest. You can say men, and a sexist society, force you to dress uncomfortably and starve yourself to be thin, but who buys those clothes and fad diet books? And how do we force you? By saying you look damn hot! But we'd say that if you were comfortably naked.

Yet men are also the prisoners to their libido. We just show it in different ways - like drooling and not making eye contact when you wear that really low-cut blouse or go bra-less under that clingy cotton top. If there were no women in the world, man would find a nice cave with one of those underground streams full of blind fish and never leave. But man needs his precious, don't we. And she wants Prada and jewelry and air conditioning - so we leave the comfy cave and go to work. And why? Other than needing to pay the cable bill so we don't miss the game, and of course buy beer. We work, buy nice homes, live short stressful lives filled with heart disease, all for SEX.

Now you may say I'm carrying the idea of sex as the driving force in the universe to extremes. Not so. Look at one segment of our lives that is all the rage now - social networking. In my first novel CybrGrrl, I used sex as the catalyst for the development of artificial intelligence. I didn't just make that up. The internet as we know it was developed and built by the adult entertainment industry. Games, gambling, and sex are the reasons we have social networks.

Sure, the government, academia, and Al Gore built the infrastructure and the idea of file sharing, but porn sites developed security, graphics capability, video streaming, eCommerce, and the very first "social networks" were dating sites (code for how-to-find-a-hooker-without-leaving-your-home). The development of cyberspace was dependent on cybersex. That's nothing new. Society has always depended on naughtiness to spur innovation. Why? Because nothing sparks the human imagination like our mutual desire to get off.

I used the same premise in THE COLLECTIVE, my newest release. The Nemesis virus, which effects your brain once it controls your computer, propagates first through porn sites, then across social networks. There are a few erotic scenes as well, but that's another subject. The point I was making is our society and culture is based on our desire for sex and our attempts to deny that desire.

In this I think men are more honest than women. We know what drives us and aren't ashamed to admit it. Sure we are crass and even rude at times, but we're honest. And I've heard women talk when they didn't think men were around. You girls can make a sailor blush. But I like that. Some men are intimidated by a woman who says what she thinks and isn't shy about her sexuality. Others are turned on by it. But insecure men don't last long around The Mistress of Snark.

Thanks for letting me hang out, Rachel. You know how I like putting it out there for the titillation of my audience. #mancode

I'd love to hear from you lovely readers. Post a comment below and maybe Rachel will let me come again. If you include your email address I'll send you some cyber-swag from the release of THE COLLECTIVE. And the first poster to mention my allusion to The Hobbit gets a free copy of THE COLLECTIVE. I'll even throw in a code to download CybrGrrl free from Smashwords to the first poster to say how many times I used the word sex in my post.

Maxwell Cynn writes deliciously romantic speculative fiction. His first novel CybrGrrl has been called multi-orgasmic by more than one reader and follows the development of a female artificial intelligence program from sexy chat-bot to CEO of a multi-national corporation. His newest release THE COLLECTIVE is fresh off the electronic press and follows a psychologist's battle against a virus which threatens to brainwash the masses over the internet.

The Collective - If they control yourcomputer they control your mind

BLOG TOUR DE FORCE Day 6

I know a secret. Can you guess what it is? 

Writers and storytellers are thought to be liars, but we’re not. We keep secret truths in our pockets, wallets, purses, and, most especially in our hearts. We know that most people aren’t ready to hear these secret truths head on, so we hide them. We hide them behind the thin veil of fantasy or snark, horror or suspense. These tales we weave are not lies, not falsehoods; they are, at their very foundations, truths.

But, let’s get back to my secret, or should I say, my secret within a secret. I’m not Rachel. But then, I’m pretty sure most of you figured that out due to the very nature of this particular blog tour. The big question is: Who am I? Really, who are any of us? I mean really?

When it comes right down to it, when you read these words on your computer screen, it could be just about anyone. Well, if you want the prize – yeah, I said prize – you’ve got to guess. Luckily for you, you’ve only got eleven people to guess from. Eleven to one odds, not bad, even if you’re in Vegas. 

Still, Rachel will send a free copy of the new horror anthology, The Evil Within to each and every unique poster to this blog. Since she’s not here, she can’t argue; besides if you saw it in print, it must be true.

Would I lie?


Visit the awesome Pinky's Pub for a review for further proof and leave a comment if you want to receive extra chances to win the gift baskets! Enter this phrase: ‘SNARK ROCKS’ which will gain three extra entries toward winning Rachel’s gift baskets.


And don't miss Alchemy of Scrawl for her review contribution of both The Evil Within AND A Walk In The Snark! Remember to comment with the special phrase! 

Seriously, though! You have to check out this new anthology of horror stories! Rachel and the Indie Book Collective have gone out of their way to find the very best tales of terror from the very best indie authors to keep you up late at night wondering what that sound outside your window was, or if you read Amber Scott’s contribution, “Dirt Nap” by, you might just worry about closing your eyes, afraid of where you’ll wake up. 

On the other hand, if you are the kind of person who likes to sleep at night, you might try some of the other writers on the tour:

For a lighthearted adventure, try Toonoplis by Jeremy Rodden, a book filled with characters you’ll love to love.

If romance is your cup of tea, try Change of Heart by Jackie Chanel, a romance with drama and wit, adding a breath of fresh air to traditional themes of the romance genre.

I wish I had time and space to go into all the terrific books and writers in the Blog Tour De Force, but I’ve got to get back to work on my next book. I left my readers with a bit of a cliffhanger, and I’ve got a big choice to make on where to take the series next.

I’ll leave you with this: I hear Rachel has a BIG prize for one of her visitors, something really great like, I don’t know, maybe a way cool basket filled with Halloween goodies from Bath and Body Works.  Oh heck, she is giving out three. 

I bet if anyone guesses correctly (ouch) sorry, even attempts a guess, as to where she is (or was – remember, the tour started this past Monday), they’ll get a free copy of her #1 bestselling eBook A Walk in the Snark. (Her elbows are sharp).

Rachel wants me to remind you that every visitor who says these words in their comment: ‘SNARK ROCKS’ will gain three extra entries toward winning Rachel’s gift baskets. And don't forget your email! She can't send you any books without an email. 

And don’t forget: every commenter is entered into the drawing for a FREE KINDLE! That’s right. All twelve books loaded on to a Kindle. Hey, I want that.

Would I put words in Rachel’s mouth… err… on her blog? MAAAAYYYBBEEE. Her story doesn't scare me, even though it's called, "There Are No Monsters." I shouldn’t have to worry too much about her getting some kind of revenge on me for this. 

Should I? 

THE VAGINA RULES (guest post)

I'm thrilled to present the hilariously talented writer Erica Lucke Dean. Here's her bio: 


I write romantic comedy, paranormal, and suspense novels. I blog about life and other assorted ridiculous things. And I laugh at myself when I trip.


I now present her terrifically funny post. This chick and I understand each other so well. 

The Vagina Rules

I was chatting with a friend the other day.   

We were basically having a group venting session, dredging up everything that irritates us about life, and people in general.  It felt really good to give the proverbial “stab” to the things we find annoying.  And when talking about the stuff that bugs us, the conversation always manages to come around to the topic of men…specifically husbands.

So this is how it went…Fake people? Stab.  Snobby people?  Stab.  Husbands?  Stab, stab, stab!!!

Living with a man is often enough to make a girl dream of a deserted island, a bottle of chardonnay, and a dirty romance novel.  And “honey” can stay at home, thank you very much!

My friend finally summed it up by saying, “When it comes to men…honestly, I only like the sex. But I could get that without having to live with them.”

Food for thought, for sure. 

But I had to disagree.  I like having a guy.  I just wish I didn’t have to deal with his shit.

For example…My husband has this really annoying habit of refusing to talk to me just because I don’t understand what he’s trying to say.  I can’t seem to drill it into his head that he needs to explain things.  I mean, really explain things.  I was like...dude, I'm a woman.  We need more words.  Lots of words.  Full sentences if you can manage it.  Hell, if you have time, draw a map.  

The more information the better. 

Did hubby get the point?  Of course not.  Instead, he gave me the cold shoulder for the rest of the evening.  

And he wonders why I get pissed off. 

What is it about guys? 

They say they love women.  They claim to want a woman in their lives.  But they refuse to understand the inner workings of a woman. 

So what’s a girl to do?

I just gave it to him straight.  “If you want a vagina…you have to play by the vagina’s rules.” 

And ladies, let’s face it…the vagina has a whole lot of rules. 

This vagina likes to be talked to.  And listened to.  I don’t mean gaping at me with a dazed expression and the faint sound of crickets chirping in the background.  No, I want real listening.  The kind that might even include appropriate responses from time to time.  I know you’re pretending to listen.  You know you’re pretending to listen.  Let’s just stop pretending and actually talk. 

It’s called a “conversation” guys.  I know…big word.  Look it up.

The vagina also likes attention.  But I don’t mean JUST the vagina.  You guys seem to think there’s only part of a woman that needs attention.  Trust me…that’s as far from the truth as you can get.  I know it’s a foreign concept.  I know the penis is the control center of the man.   

But like I said before…if you want a vagina you’d better figure out how it works. 

Think of the vagina as a sink.  It’s a broad generalization, but stay with me here.  If you want to fill a sink with water, no amount of touching the sink is going to get the job done.  You have to turn on the faucet.  The faucet is the control center. 

Are you still with me?

Find the control center in the woman.  Start with the conversation (that’s the talking part, remember?); from there, you can find your way to the other stuff. 

Basically, a vagina is a complex organism controlled by an even more complex organism…a woman. But trust me, if you take the time to figure it out, your life (and ours) will be a whole lot easier. 

So I’m sure you’re wondering how my husband responded to my list of rules.  The same way he responds to everything…in as few words as possible.  Hey, it’s all good.  For as little as he said, I’m pretty sure he got the point.  

A vagina has a whole lot of rules, but what it all comes down to is this…

Vaginas rule!

Comments welcome, retweets and mentions loved. 

You should follow Erica on her blog here, Twitter and Facebook. Somehow she blogs every day and still has a family and like, three books in submission with agents. I think she's part Borg. 

Be sure to join me back here on Saturday, 10/22 for Blog Tour de Force to win your free copy of THE EVIL WITHIN horror anthology as well as all twelve participating authors' books AND a chance at a free Kindle. Yea, baby.